where do i begin ? 
okay , how about with this : starship troopers is one of the worst movies to hit theaters in a long time . 
in fact , it might even be the worst * major * release film to come out in years . . . 
or even a decade . 
this is bad beyond belief . 
i would * not * suggest paying money to see this . 
there's a good chance you'll regret it . 
if you see it for free , you could still want to walk out . 
go right ahead . 
the movie starts off with cheesy 90210 scenes set in the future world of . . . buenos aires . 
here we meet the group of horrendously bad actors and actresses playing obnoxious , easy-to- * despise * -with-a-passion characters that have love triangles , love rectangles , and love hexagons screwing up their life . 
before long they all go off and join the military , primarily in the interest of having sex with the other youngsters that joined . 
they train . 
they strut around nude for no reason whatsoever . 
after an hour of making the audience scream in agony , they start fighting bugs . 
the big bugs look nice , even though their design is only " okay . " 
unfortunately , the fights are boring since we * want * all of the characters dead anyway . 
cue more agony . 
then some characters have sex . 
then some more die . 
 * * * who cares ? ? ? * * * 
cue more agony . 
the movie ends , the audience runs out to their cars , vomits over the pavement , and attempts to drive home . 
unfortunately , after that torture , they can't think straight , don't pay attention to the road , and many are in ugly car wrecks . 
you remember how batman & robin was bad ? 
well , batman & robin kicked this movie's sorry butt , people . 
starship troopers does not succeed as an action movie . 
it does not succeed as a drama . 
it does not succeed as a war movie . 
it does not succeed as a comedy . 
it does not succeed as a satire . 
it does not succeed as a parody . 
it succeeds as being horrible . 
terrible . 
gut-wrenchingly bad . 
i wanted to run away from that movie every minute . 
but i paid my money and i owed it to others to see if the movie got any better . 
so i stayed . 
it never got better . 
frequently , it did the impossible , and got * worse * . 
the movie as written , acted , directed , and basically just feels as a whole like it's about on the mental maturity level of a free willy 4 . the whole thing feels like a movie that only three-year-olds could enjoy . . . 
except for the ridiculously gratuitous blood and gore , and pointless nudity . 
it's written for little children , but children should definitely * not * go anywhere near it . 
of course , i recommend the same for everyone . 
don't go anywhere near it . 
verhoeven's got a streak going now . 
his last movie was showgirls . 
he seems to be trying to see how bad his movies can get before people finally stop coming . 
showgirls was a failure , but it appears that , though it'll be lucky to make near its budget , this movie will still do okay gross-wise . 
is it really * all * bad ? 
well , no . 
troopers has about four or five lines of dialouge/short humorous scenes that are actually funny , mostly from the " do you want to know more ? " 
commercials that pop up throughout the story , promoting the joys of the joining the troopers . 
so that adds up to about 30 seconds of entertainment and still about one hour , 59 minutes , and 30 seconds of miserable torture . 
i'm totally confused as to the way that some people are really enjoying this movie . 
but i do admit it . 
so , if you're willing to possibly put yourself through torture , go ahead and see it , and decide for yourself if you love it or hate it . 
i don't know how anyone or any * thing * could love this movie , but hey , to each his own . 
feel free to give it a shot . 
of course , in the interest of saving your souls , i don't recommend it . 
but guess what ? 
alien resurrection comes out november 26th , and , having already seen some of it and having read the script , i assure you that it will blow pretty much everyone away . 
though opinion on starship troopers is reasonably split , it'll be difficult to find someone that * won't * like alien resurrection when they've seen it . 
this is possibly the year's best intense action film , or at least * one * of the best . 
if you really want to see alien warfare that's played out intelligently and seriously , see alien resurrection . 
please , avoid this . 
