<tipreject="maybenot">In the end, all the feedback you have gotten from others should not lead you to choose an Improvement Goal that does not also feel true and important to you. If you have chosen a goal that is based on what others want for you, but at the end of the day, it is not something you are really committed to for yourself, you are going to find it hard to have a powerful experience diagnosing and overturning your immunities. While we think the Immunity-to-Change technology is an amazing tool for people to use to make lasting change in their lives, you must put the tool to work. And the work is not easy. If your starting goal doesn't feel true for you, it is unlikely you will feel motivated enough to do the work necessary to make lasting change. We suggest you choose a new goal. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">In the end, all the feedback you have gotten from others should not lead you to choose an Improvement Goal that does not also feel true and important to you. If you have chosen a goal that is based on what others want for you, but at the end of the day, it is not something you are really committed to for yourself, you are going to find it hard to have a powerful experience diagnosing and overturning your immunities. While we think the Immunity-to-Change technology is an amazing tool for people to use to make lasting change in their lives, you must put the tool to work. And the work is not easy. If your starting goal doesn't feel true for you, it is unlikely you will feel motivated enough to do the work necessary to make lasting change. We suggest you choose a new goal. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">If a goal is true for you, that means it is one that you genuinely feel in your own heart to be something that you want to improve. For example, maybe others have told you that you should get better at staying organized and meeting deadlines. The question is, do you really want that for yourself? Try to be as honest as you can about what you really want. Maybe you know that the reason you are disorganized and not meeting deadlines is because you hate your work. The goal that feels true to you would then be I am committed to getting better at finding a career I will love. What is in your heart?</tip>
<tipreject="understand">If a goal is true for you, that means it is one that you genuinely feel in your own heart to be something that you want to improve. For example, maybe others have told you that you should get better at staying organized and meeting deadlines. The question is, do you really want that for yourself? Try to be as honest as you can about what you really want. Maybe you know that the reason you are disorganized and not meeting deadlines is because you hate your work. The goal that feels true to you would then be I am committed to getting better at finding a career I will love. What is in your heart?</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Since the Immunity-to-Change process focuses on your own growth and change, it is important to be clear about the ways you are hoping to change and improve. Your goal implicates you if it is clear that you will need to change in some way (not just that others need to shape up). If you don't have any control over your goal, it doesn't implicate you. If your goal is so vague that it isn't clear what about it you will need to change, it doesn't implicate you. For example, if you are thinking of a commitment such as "I am committed to everyone on my team being honest with each other," consider what you need to get better at to help your team be more honest. A commitment that implicates you might be, "I am committed to being more honest with my team members to encourage them to be more honest with me and each other." If your starting commitment doesn't make clear how you are implicated in the change you hope to see, go back and revise your goal before continuing. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Since the Immunity-to-Change process focuses on your own growth and change, it is important to be clear about the ways you are hoping to change and improve. Your goal implicates you if it is clear that you will need to change in some way (not just that others need to shape up). If you don't have any control over your goal, it doesn't implicate you. If your goal is so vague that it isn't clear what about it you will need to change, it doesn't implicate you. For example, if you are thinking of a commitment such as "I am committed to everyone on my team being honest with each other," consider what you need to get better at to help your team be more honest. A commitment that implicates you might be, "I am committed to being more honest with my team members to encourage them to be more honest with me and each other." If your starting commitment doesn't make clear how you are implicated in the change you hope to see, go back and revise your goal before continuing. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Your goal implicates you if it is clear that you must get better at something. Your goal should focus on something you can control. It should focus on something specific about yourself that you want to improve. If your goal is about changes you are hoping others will make, think about what your own role in that might be. For example, if you are thinking of a commitment such as, "I am committed to everyone in my team being honest with each other," consider what you need to get better at to help your team be more honest. A commitment that implicates you might be, "I am committed to being more honest with my team members to encourage them to be more honest with me and each other.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Your goal implicates you if it is clear that you must get better at something. Your goal should focus on something you can control. It should focus on something specific about yourself that you want to improve. If your goal is about changes you are hoping others will make, think about what your own role in that might be. For example, if you are thinking of a commitment such as, "I am committed to everyone in my team being honest with each other," consider what you need to get better at to help your team be more honest. A commitment that implicates you might be, "I am committed to being more honest with my team members to encourage them to be more honest with me and each other.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">If you have already realized your goal or are quite close to realizing your goal, you are unlikely to have a powerful learning experience in this course. The Immunity-to-Change process is designed to help you uncover how you are stuck and unable to make change on an important goal. If you are not stuck in your progress toward a goal, go back and choose a new goal where there is lots of room for improvement. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">If you have already realized your goal or are quite close to realizing your goal, you are unlikely to have a powerful learning experience in this course. The Immunity-to-Change process is designed to help you uncover how you are stuck and unable to make change on an important goal. If you are not stuck in your progress toward a goal, go back and choose a new goal where there is lots of room for improvement. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Room for improvement means that you have not yet come close to fully accomplishing your goal. You are not even close to having 100% success. You probably don't even have 50% success. You could not accomplish this change in a weekend. There is room for improvement if you have made a little progress but then gotten stuck in your efforts to change. Or, it maybe you reached your goal temporarily but were unable to sustain that improvement. Or, maybe you feel you have gotten stuck before you even began to make improvements.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Room for improvement means that you have not yet come close to fully accomplishing your goal. You are not even close to having 100% success. You probably don't even have 50% success. You could not accomplish this change in a weekend. There is room for improvement if you have made a little progress but then gotten stuck in your efforts to change. Or, it maybe you reached your goal temporarily but were unable to sustain that improvement. Or, maybe you feel you have gotten stuck before you even began to make improvements.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">You might have something in your list that isn't clearly a behavior, but instead is more like an inner state-something that is a description of a feeling or attitude you have. For example, you might have written something like "Don't like deadlines." If so, you should be able to convert that entry easily into a behavior. Ask yourself how that inner experience show up as behavior. You might list: "I don't meet deadlines" or "I complain to my colleagues about the deadlines we have to meet." When we get to column 3, it will make your work and learning much easier if you have been very specific and thorough in listing behaviors in column 2. If your list doesn't include a handful of behaviors that undermine your Improvement Goal, go back and revise that list to make it meet the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">You might have something in your list that isn't clearly a behavior, but instead is more like an inner state-something that is a description of a feeling or attitude you have. For example, you might have written something like "Don't like deadlines." If so, you should be able to convert that entry easily into a behavior. Ask yourself how that inner experience show up as behavior. You might list: "I don't meet deadlines" or "I complain to my colleagues about the deadlines we have to meet." When we get to column 3, it will make your work and learning much easier if you have been very specific and thorough in listing behaviors in column 2. If your list doesn't include a handful of behaviors that undermine your Improvement Goal, go back and revise that list to make it meet the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Behaviors include what you do (your actions, what you say, as well as how you say or do things). Behaviors include whatever would be captured by a video camera filming you (with sound). Behaviors can also include what you say to yourself in your own head. For example, if you often silently tell yourself "Don't be selfish!" (and that self-talk undermines your column 1 Improvement Goal) you can list that as a behavior. If there are behaviors you should be doing to make progress on your column 1 Improvement Goal and you aren't currently or regularly doing them, you can list those too as examples of what you are "not doing."</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Behaviors include what you do (your actions, what you say, as well as how you say or do things). Behaviors include whatever would be captured by a video camera filming you (with sound). Behaviors can also include what you say to yourself in your own head. For example, if you often silently tell yourself "Don't be selfish!" (and that self-talk undermines your column 1 Improvement Goal) you can list that as a behavior. If there are behaviors you should be doing to make progress on your column 1 Improvement Goal and you aren't currently or regularly doing them, you can list those too as examples of what you are "not doing."</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">While it may be tempting to include all the things you are doing on behalf of your Improvement Goal, we aren't asking for that list. Just make as long and juicy a list as you can of the things you do and don't do that undermine your column 1 goal. This probably won't feel so good because you will feel like you are "telling on" yourself and admitting to all of the ways you are "naughty." But as you'll see, this list of behaviors will be a very valuable resource to you in helping you learn something new and important about yourself. If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list to make it meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">While it may be tempting to include all the things you are doing on behalf of your Improvement Goal, we aren't asking for that list. Just make as long and juicy a list as you can of the things you do and don't do that undermine your column 1 goal. This probably won't feel so good because you will feel like you are "telling on" yourself and admitting to all of the ways you are "naughty." But as you'll see, this list of behaviors will be a very valuable resource to you in helping you learn something new and important about yourself. If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list to make it meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Behaviors that work against achieving your goal are the things that you do that do not move your closer to your goal. Instead, they move you further away. For example, if my Improvement Goal is "to get better at listening to my employees," some behaviors that work against that might be: "I don't ask my employees to tell me what they think. I do all the talking. When employees do talk, I often interrupt them." All of those behaviors take me further away from my Improvement Goal.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Behaviors that work against achieving your goal are the things that you do that do not move your closer to your goal. Instead, they move you further away. For example, if my Improvement Goal is "to get better at listening to my employees," some behaviors that work against that might be: "I don't ask my employees to tell me what they think. I do all the talking. When employees do talk, I often interrupt them." All of those behaviors take me further away from my Improvement Goal.</tip>
</quizz>
</quizz>
...
@@ -24,6 +32,7 @@
...
@@ -24,6 +32,7 @@
<choicevalue="yes">Yes, I don't explain why</choice>
<choicevalue="yes">Yes, I don't explain why</choice>
<choicevalue="maybe">Maybe I do explain a little</choice>
<choicevalue="maybe">Maybe I do explain a little</choice>
<tipreject="maybe">It may be tempting to include all the reasons why you are doing things that run counter to your column 1 Improvement Goal and to start identifying how you could start making changes to your behavior. But please don't include these reasons. Just make as long and juicy a list as you can of the things you do and don't do that undermine your column 1 goal. This probably won't feel so good, because you will feel like you are "telling on" yourself and admitting to all of the ways you are "naughty." But as you'll see, this list of behaviors will be a very valuable resource to you in helping you learn something new and important about yourself. If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list to make it meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybe">It may be tempting to include all the reasons why you are doing things that run counter to your column 1 Improvement Goal and to start identifying how you could start making changes to your behavior. But please don't include these reasons. Just make as long and juicy a list as you can of the things you do and don't do that undermine your column 1 goal. This probably won't feel so good, because you will feel like you are "telling on" yourself and admitting to all of the ways you are "naughty." But as you'll see, this list of behaviors will be a very valuable resource to you in helping you learn something new and important about yourself. If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list to make it meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Explaining why you are doing these things means you are including the reasons for the things you do (or don't do) that undermine your column 1 Improvement Goal. For example, if my Improvement Goal is "to get better at taking care of myself," and I wrote in column 2 "I don't take enough time to relax at the end of the day," I should not include explanations about why I don't take enough time at the end of the day. We are sure you have good reasons! But don't include them here.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Explaining why you are doing these things means you are including the reasons for the things you do (or don't do) that undermine your column 1 Improvement Goal. For example, if my Improvement Goal is "to get better at taking care of myself," and I wrote in column 2 "I don't take enough time to relax at the end of the day," I should not include explanations about why I don't take enough time at the end of the day. We are sure you have good reasons! But don't include them here.</tip>
</quizz>
</quizz>
...
@@ -33,6 +42,7 @@
...
@@ -33,6 +42,7 @@
<choicevalue="yes">Yes, I don't explain how I will change</choice>
<choicevalue="yes">Yes, I don't explain how I will change</choice>
<choicevalue="maybe">Maybe I do explain a little</choice>
<choicevalue="maybe">Maybe I do explain a little</choice>
<tipreject="maybe">You may want to start explaining what you now plan to do to eliminate, stop, or cut out these behaviors. But that means that you're trying to engage in improvement by assuming you can just cut out your bad behaviors or just start doing new, more productive things. You are taking what we call a New Year's Resolution approach to change, assuming that when you know that what you are doing is "naughty," you can will yourself to make those changes. As with New Year's Resolutions, we find that this approach does not often lead to success. Maybe you have had that experience too? Immunity to Change presents a different approach to change, so please put your attempts to start solving your problems on hold for a while longer. We're still getting a clear picture of the problem, and that is our focus for now. We think you'll find it worth the wait! If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list so that each entry meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybe">You may want to start explaining what you now plan to do to eliminate, stop, or cut out these behaviors. But that means that you're trying to engage in improvement by assuming you can just cut out your bad behaviors or just start doing new, more productive things. You are taking what we call a New Year's Resolution approach to change, assuming that when you know that what you are doing is "naughty," you can will yourself to make those changes. As with New Year's Resolutions, we find that this approach does not often lead to success. Maybe you have had that experience too? Immunity to Change presents a different approach to change, so please put your attempts to start solving your problems on hold for a while longer. We're still getting a clear picture of the problem, and that is our focus for now. We think you'll find it worth the wait! If your list of "doing/not doing insteads" isn't a list of a handful of behaviors that undermine your column 1, go back and revise that list so that each entry meets the criteria. You can revise your work by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">If you are explaining how you will change, you are coming up with ideas and plans for how to stop doing these "bad" behaviors. You are seeing that you are working against your goal, and you probably want to stop doing that! But, we find that simply trying to change bad behaviors does not often lead to success for many people. Maybe you have had that experience too? Immunity to Change presents a different approach to change, so please put don't start trying to solve your problems yet. We're still getting a clear picture of the problem, and that is our focus for now. We think you'll find it worth the wait!</tip>
<tipreject="understand">If you are explaining how you will change, you are coming up with ideas and plans for how to stop doing these "bad" behaviors. You are seeing that you are working against your goal, and you probably want to stop doing that! But, we find that simply trying to change bad behaviors does not often lead to success for many people. Maybe you have had that experience too? Immunity to Change presents a different approach to change, so please put don't start trying to solve your problems yet. We're still getting a clear picture of the problem, and that is our focus for now. We think you'll find it worth the wait!</tip>
<question>You can enter your worries below, or you can view some common worries first. Would you like to see a list of some of the most common fears and worries people list?</question>
<question>You can enter your worries below, or you can view some common worries first. Would you like to see a list of some of the most common fears and worries people list?</question>
<question>You can enter your Hidden Commitments below, or you can view some common commitments first. Would you like to see a list of some of the most common Hidden Commitments?</question>
<question>You can enter your Hidden Commitments below, or you can view some common commitments first. Would you like to see a list of some of the most common Hidden Commitments?</question>
<tipreject="maybenot">The third column helps us understand why we persist in doing our "doings instead." Immunity to Change suggests that there might very good reasons why we are doing those things, but we usually are not aware of what those reasons are. If some of our reasons for our "doings instead" are scary to us, it is probably harder to identify them, reflect on them, and consider what we might learn from them. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting-usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. The yuckier your Hidden Commitments feel to you, the more you can be sure you have identified a powerful and perhaps up-until-now secret force that has been directing your behavior against your conscious will. If your third column commitments don't include what felt most powerfully dangerous from your fears, these commitments will not lead to the most powerful learning for you. If your entries don't capture your fears and worries, spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise your entries by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">The third column helps us understand why we persist in doing our "doings instead." Immunity to Change suggests that there might very good reasons why we are doing those things, but we usually are not aware of what those reasons are. If some of our reasons for our "doings instead" are scary to us, it is probably harder to identify them, reflect on them, and consider what we might learn from them. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting-usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. The yuckier your Hidden Commitments feel to you, the more you can be sure you have identified a powerful and perhaps up-until-now secret force that has been directing your behavior against your conscious will. If your third column commitments don't include what felt most powerfully dangerous from your fears, these commitments will not lead to the most powerful learning for you. If your entries don't capture your fears and worries, spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise your entries by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">What we mean when we say that Hidden Commitments should follow from the fear is that they should include the fear somehow. They are commitments to prevent this fear from happening, so you should still be able to see the fear in them. An easy way to do this is to create a Hidden Commitment is to change the wording of your fear. For example, the fear "I worry that people will think I'm stupid" can easily be changed to the Hidden Commitment, "I am committed to not looking stupid."</tip>
<tipreject="understand">What we mean when we say that Hidden Commitments should follow from the fear is that they should include the fear somehow. They are commitments to prevent this fear from happening, so you should still be able to see the fear in them. An easy way to do this is to create a Hidden Commitment is to change the wording of your fear. For example, the fear "I worry that people will think I'm stupid" can easily be changed to the Hidden Commitment, "I am committed to not looking stupid."</tip>
<tipreject="maybe">It's easy to misunderstand what we mean by commitment. The word commitment sounds like something you should feel proud of and something you should deliberately choose as a goal. But the Hidden Commitments in your third column should feel very different. If your third column entries are powerful, these commitments will actually make you feel very uncomfortable. Often people tell us they feel a sinking or tightening sensation in their chest or gut. While all of these experiences are indeed unpleasant, we think that is actually a positive sign that you are coming to see something powerful about yourself. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting — usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. The yuckier your Hidden Commitments feel to you, the more you can be sure you have identified a powerful and perhaps up-until-now secret force that has been directing your behavior against your conscious will. If any of your Hidden Commitments sound noble — if they sound like things you would be proud to say out loud — spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise your entries by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="maybe">It's easy to misunderstand what we mean by commitment. The word commitment sounds like something you should feel proud of and something you should deliberately choose as a goal. But the Hidden Commitments in your third column should feel very different. If your third column entries are powerful, these commitments will actually make you feel very uncomfortable. Often people tell us they feel a sinking or tightening sensation in their chest or gut. While all of these experiences are indeed unpleasant, we think that is actually a positive sign that you are coming to see something powerful about yourself. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting — usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. The yuckier your Hidden Commitments feel to you, the more you can be sure you have identified a powerful and perhaps up-until-now secret force that has been directing your behavior against your conscious will. If any of your Hidden Commitments sound noble — if they sound like things you would be proud to say out loud — spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise your entries by TODO-LINK.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Noble commitments are values that we are proud of, that we like, that we are happy to hold and happy for others to see. Hidden commitments should not be noble. Instead, they should feel yucky, unpleasant. Maybe we even feel a little sick when we see them. For example, "I am committed to being successful" sounds pretty noble, pretty great, something I am happy to be working on and happy for others to know about me. So that is not a good Hidden Commitment. But, maybe there is a yucky, unpleasant version of this that could be a good Hidden Commitment. If my fear is "that I won't succeed," I can explore that fear a bit further. What would be the worst thing about not succeeding for me? Maybe I would really hate for others to see me making mistakes. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to not making any mistakes in front of others.) Maybe the worst thing would be that I would prove to myself that I am not special or gifted. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to believing I am special or gifted.) Maybe the worst thing is that I will be wrong. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to being right. Or, I am committed to not being wrong.) These Hidden Commitments are not so noble. I feel a little ashamed and vulnerable. I feel like I want to keep them hidden.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Noble commitments are values that we are proud of, that we like, that we are happy to hold and happy for others to see. Hidden commitments should not be noble. Instead, they should feel yucky, unpleasant. Maybe we even feel a little sick when we see them. For example, "I am committed to being successful" sounds pretty noble, pretty great, something I am happy to be working on and happy for others to know about me. So that is not a good Hidden Commitment. But, maybe there is a yucky, unpleasant version of this that could be a good Hidden Commitment. If my fear is "that I won't succeed," I can explore that fear a bit further. What would be the worst thing about not succeeding for me? Maybe I would really hate for others to see me making mistakes. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to not making any mistakes in front of others.) Maybe the worst thing would be that I would prove to myself that I am not special or gifted. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to believing I am special or gifted.) Maybe the worst thing is that I will be wrong. (Hidden commitment: I am committed to being right. Or, I am committed to not being wrong.) These Hidden Commitments are not so noble. I feel a little ashamed and vulnerable. I feel like I want to keep them hidden.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Hidden commitments are forms of self-protection. They protect us from the dangers that lurk in our fears. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting — usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. When you look at your Hidden Commitments, you should also be able to see how you have been protecting yourself from that dangerous territory. If yours don't, spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Hidden commitments are forms of self-protection. They protect us from the dangers that lurk in our fears. Our Hidden Commitments are our mental strategies for standing far away from what we see as danger, disaster, or vulnerability. They are commitments to protecting — usually over-protecting ourselves from these terrible feelings and outcomes. These forms of protection therefore often look quite undesirable to us — showing us ways we can look and feel selfish, weak, overly controlling, at the mercy of others, insecure or needy, vain or egomaniacal. They take us into territory within ourselves we usually want to avoid. When you look at your Hidden Commitments, you should also be able to see how you have been protecting yourself from that dangerous territory. If yours don't, spend some time thinking, "What is the danger lurking for me? In what way am I trying to protect myself?" Then go back and revise TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Hidden commitments are a form of self-protection. We have them to keep us away from danger and fear. They protect us when they prevent us from changing our behavior. They protect us from what we fear would happen if we change our behavior. They tell us we must never do the opposite of what we wrote in column 2 or the terrible fears and worries we have in column 3 might happen. For example, maybe I am trying to get better at being honest with my friends (column 1), but I only tell them what I think they want me to say (column 2). If I were to tell them what I really think (the opposite of column 2), I fear they won't like me. I have a Hidden Commitment to having everyone like me. That commitment keeps me from telling my friends what I really think and so it protects me from my friends not liking me. It even protects me from worrying that my friends won't like me. Unfortunately, it also keeps me from making progress on my Improvement Goal of being honest with my friends.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Hidden commitments are a form of self-protection. We have them to keep us away from danger and fear. They protect us when they prevent us from changing our behavior. They protect us from what we fear would happen if we change our behavior. They tell us we must never do the opposite of what we wrote in column 2 or the terrible fears and worries we have in column 3 might happen. For example, maybe I am trying to get better at being honest with my friends (column 1), but I only tell them what I think they want me to say (column 2). If I were to tell them what I really think (the opposite of column 2), I fear they won't like me. I have a Hidden Commitment to having everyone like me. That commitment keeps me from telling my friends what I really think and so it protects me from my friends not liking me. It even protects me from worrying that my friends won't like me. Unfortunately, it also keeps me from making progress on my Improvement Goal of being honest with my friends.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Hidden Commitments should show you that the behaviors in column 2 that look bad (because they undermine your column one goal) are actually useful behaviors from the point-of-view of the psychic immune system. They are useful because they help you uphold your column 3 commitments, which are powerful Hidden Commitments. You should be able to see why it hasn't worked in the past and won't work in the future to try to change those behaviors only through willpower or increased effort. The harder you step on the gas (trying to make progress on your column 1 goal by changing your column 2 behaviors), the harder your other foot will step on the brakes (upholding your column 3 commitment by maintaining your column 2 behaviors). As a result, we spend a great deal energy trying to go in opposite directions at the same time. If you can't see how your Hidden Commitments make your behaviors in column 2 look perfectly reasonable, that's a sign that you've gotten off track somewhere. Look to see if you need to revise your Hidden Commitments or go back to your fears TODO-LINK to see if you need to get clearer about them.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Hidden Commitments should show you that the behaviors in column 2 that look bad (because they undermine your column one goal) are actually useful behaviors from the point-of-view of the psychic immune system. They are useful because they help you uphold your column 3 commitments, which are powerful Hidden Commitments. You should be able to see why it hasn't worked in the past and won't work in the future to try to change those behaviors only through willpower or increased effort. The harder you step on the gas (trying to make progress on your column 1 goal by changing your column 2 behaviors), the harder your other foot will step on the brakes (upholding your column 3 commitment by maintaining your column 2 behaviors). As a result, we spend a great deal energy trying to go in opposite directions at the same time. If you can't see how your Hidden Commitments make your behaviors in column 2 look perfectly reasonable, that's a sign that you've gotten off track somewhere. Look to see if you need to revise your Hidden Commitments or go back to your fears TODO-LINK to see if you need to get clearer about them.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Your column 2 behaviors (the doing/not doing insteads) are bad because they work against your column 1 goal (your Improvement Goal). But we can also see that are good too because they uphold your column 3 commitments (Hidden Commitments). Our Improvement Goal pulls us in one direction, and our Hidden Commitments pull us in the opposite direction. In fact, we are working very hard to move in both directions at the same time, and so we actually don't move at all. That is how our immune system works.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Your column 2 behaviors (the doing/not doing insteads) are bad because they work against your column 1 goal (your Improvement Goal). But we can also see that are good too because they uphold your column 3 commitments (Hidden Commitments). Our Improvement Goal pulls us in one direction, and our Hidden Commitments pull us in the opposite direction. In fact, we are working very hard to move in both directions at the same time, and so we actually don't move at all. That is how our immune system works.</tip>
<p>Your entries in column 3 should show you why simply trying to change your column 2 behaviors (your "doing/not doing insteads") doesn't work. You can't just will yourself to change your behavior and make progress on your Improvement Goal, because the more you do change, the more uncomfortable you will actually get. It is as if you are sitting behind the wheel of a car with your right foot on the gas. Your right foot is working on your Improvement Goal. You step on the gas, trying to speed up, to get more momentum going in the direction you'd like to be moving. You step on the gas even harder. The car engine is revving. The car is even shaking as it holds this increased force. But the car isn't actually going anywhere. Why?</p>
<p>Your entries in column 3 should show you why simply trying to change your column 2 behaviors (your "doing/not doing insteads") doesn't work. You can't just will yourself to change your behavior and make progress on your Improvement Goal, because the more you do change, the more uncomfortable you will actually get. It is as if you are sitting behind the wheel of a car with your right foot on the gas. Your right foot is working on your Improvement Goal. You step on the gas, trying to speed up, to get more momentum going in the direction you'd like to be moving. You step on the gas even harder. The car engine is revving. The car is even shaking as it holds this increased force. But the car isn't actually going anywhere. Why?</p>
<tipreject="maybenot">Identifying your own Hidden Commitments provides you with a picture of your personal immunity to change. At this point, you should have arrived at something that intrigues you because it sheds new light on the struggles you have been having in making progress on your Improvement Goal. Understanding your immune system should help you better understand how and why you get stuck. If you are not intrigued, it might be that you have misunderstood some aspects of the directions for how to make your immunity map. Or, maybe you understood, but need to reflect more deeply to see if there are new insights you could come to that would be more interesting for you to consider.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Identifying your own Hidden Commitments provides you with a picture of your personal immunity to change. At this point, you should have arrived at something that intrigues you because it sheds new light on the struggles you have been having in making progress on your Improvement Goal. Understanding your immune system should help you better understand how and why you get stuck. If you are not intrigued, it might be that you have misunderstood some aspects of the directions for how to make your immunity map. Or, maybe you understood, but need to reflect more deeply to see if there are new insights you could come to that would be more interesting for you to consider.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Does your map help you understand yourself? Does it get and keep your attention? Can you see why and how you have been struggling to change?</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Does your map help you understand yourself? Does it get and keep your attention? Can you see why and how you have been struggling to change?</tip>
</quizz>
</quizz>
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@@ -25,8 +29,11 @@
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@@ -25,8 +29,11 @@
<tipreject="understand">Would you like to learn more about your immune system? In this course, you will learn more about why you have this immune system. You will learn more about how your immune system has been working. And you will learn more about how you can change your immune system.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Would you like to learn more about your immune system? In this course, you will learn more about why you have this immune system. You will learn more about how your immune system has been working. And you will learn more about how you can change your immune system.</tip>
<question>Do your Big Assumptions make your column 3 commitments absolutely necessary?</question>
<question>Do your Big Assumptions make your column 3 commitments absolutely necessary?</question>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Big Assumptions should show why one or more of your Hidden Commitments feel absolutely necessary. Big Assumptions are beliefs about ourselves, others, or the world that provide the reasons why we are committed to things we have named in column 3. You should be able to follow your map backwards — to see how the Big Assumptions make your third column commitments necessary; how the third column commitments lead to your second column behaviors; and how these behaviors undermine your column 1 goals. If your Big Assumptions don't explain why your Hidden Commitments are necessary, go back and revise your entry to make it meet the criteria by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Big Assumptions should show why one or more of your Hidden Commitments feel absolutely necessary. Big Assumptions are beliefs about ourselves, others, or the world that provide the reasons why we are committed to things we have named in column 3. You should be able to follow your map backwards — to see how the Big Assumptions make your third column commitments necessary; how the third column commitments lead to your second column behaviors; and how these behaviors undermine your column 1 goals. If your Big Assumptions don't explain why your Hidden Commitments are necessary, go back and revise your entry to make it meet the criteria by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Big Assumptions are beliefs that lead us to hold tightly to our column 3 commitments. If I assume that if others don't always like me, then I am not a good person and cannot like myself (a Big Assumption), then I will stay committed to having everyone like me (a Hidden Commitment). In fact, I must have everyone like me so that I will never have to experience the possibility that I am not a good person or that I cannot like myself.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Big Assumptions are beliefs that lead us to hold tightly to our column 3 commitments. If I assume that if others don't always like me, then I am not a good person and cannot like myself (a Big Assumption), then I will stay committed to having everyone like me (a Hidden Commitment). In fact, I must have everyone like me so that I will never have to experience the possibility that I am not a good person or that I cannot like myself.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">The world is bigger than what our Big Assumptions have allowed us to see. We could explore this bigger world and have more choices about how to live and behave, but we don't, because our Big Assumptions haven't let us. They warn us of the danger, the dire consequences, the catastrophe that awaits us if we don't live according to their rules. If at least some of your Big Assumptions don't suggest that some terrible fate awaits you if you violate your Hidden Commitments, go back and revise your entries to include that sense of danger by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">The world is bigger than what our Big Assumptions have allowed us to see. We could explore this bigger world and have more choices about how to live and behave, but we don't, because our Big Assumptions haven't let us. They warn us of the danger, the dire consequences, the catastrophe that awaits us if we don't live according to their rules. If at least some of your Big Assumptions don't suggest that some terrible fate awaits you if you violate your Hidden Commitments, go back and revise your entries to include that sense of danger by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">It would be much easier to change the beliefs and behaviors that work against our goals if we didn't worry that these changes might very likely lead to bad results. The bad results are the things we fear and worry about in column 3. And if we had to actually experience those bad results, then something even worse might happen! At least some of your Big Assumptions should tell you what you believe that even worse thing would be.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">It would be much easier to change the beliefs and behaviors that work against our goals if we didn't worry that these changes might very likely lead to bad results. The bad results are the things we fear and worry about in column 3. And if we had to actually experience those bad results, then something even worse might happen! At least some of your Big Assumptions should tell you what you believe that even worse thing would be.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Big Assumptions set clear limits on what you must do and what you must not do. That is, you should be able to see that your Big Assumptions are rules you have for how to live your life, rules you must always follow if you want to avoid danger and disaster and defeat. But you might also be able to see (at least hypothetically) that like any other rule, they could be broken. When we treat an assumption as if it is the absolute truth, we allow it to rule our actions. We allow it to shape everything we see. We don't consider or explore any other possibilities, and so it continues to hold enormous power over us. That is why it is a Big Assumption. But if and when we are able to name the Big Assumptions underlying our immunities to change, we are able to consider that they may not actually be 100% true, that they limit our choices, our view of what is possible. If you are having a hard time determining if your Big Assumptions do display a contracted world, you might ask someone else to look at them and see if he or she believes they are always and necessarily 100% accurate in his/her view. If you don't have at least one Big Assumption that you can see might not be 100% true 100% of the time, see if you can identify others that you can see might feel true but also might not actually be true. You can go back and revise your entry by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Your Big Assumptions set clear limits on what you must do and what you must not do. That is, you should be able to see that your Big Assumptions are rules you have for how to live your life, rules you must always follow if you want to avoid danger and disaster and defeat. But you might also be able to see (at least hypothetically) that like any other rule, they could be broken. When we treat an assumption as if it is the absolute truth, we allow it to rule our actions. We allow it to shape everything we see. We don't consider or explore any other possibilities, and so it continues to hold enormous power over us. That is why it is a Big Assumption. But if and when we are able to name the Big Assumptions underlying our immunities to change, we are able to consider that they may not actually be 100% true, that they limit our choices, our view of what is possible. If you are having a hard time determining if your Big Assumptions do display a contracted world, you might ask someone else to look at them and see if he or she believes they are always and necessarily 100% accurate in his/her view. If you don't have at least one Big Assumption that you can see might not be 100% true 100% of the time, see if you can identify others that you can see might feel true but also might not actually be true. You can go back and revise your entry by TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Do your Big Assumptions limit what you do? Do they limit what you can choose? Do they limit how you can think? If I assume that a good mother must always put her children's wants and needs before her own, then I am limiting myself. I don't allow myself to wonder whether a good mother can meet both her needs and her children's needs. I don't allow myself to say no to my children if they want something that I do not want. I don't even see that I am making choices because my Big Assumptions tell me I must think and behave in these ways.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Do your Big Assumptions limit what you do? Do they limit what you can choose? Do they limit how you can think? If I assume that a good mother must always put her children's wants and needs before her own, then I am limiting myself. I don't allow myself to wonder whether a good mother can meet both her needs and her children's needs. I don't allow myself to say no to my children if they want something that I do not want. I don't even see that I am making choices because my Big Assumptions tell me I must think and behave in these ways.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Check to see how compelling your column one goal still feels for you. For some people, it takes time to get the first column right. A common mistake people make is choosing a goal that does not implicate them. See if that's the issue for you. Are you clearly naming what you need to get better at? If so, then ask yourself whether the goal you've named feels very important to you. It may have felt that way when you started your map, but sometimes the importance fades relative to seeing a Hidden Commitment; or its importance may simply fade over time. If it doesn't feel really worthwhile to you, it's worth starting a new map. One way to jump-start identifying a powerful enough new focus is to explore whether there is a goal you have pursued unsuccessfully in the past that continues to be important to you (perhaps you've outright failed, or you've made minimal progress or backslid). If you choose to identify a more promising goal, you'll do best to go to topic 6. TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Check to see how compelling your column one goal still feels for you. For some people, it takes time to get the first column right. A common mistake people make is choosing a goal that does not implicate them. See if that's the issue for you. Are you clearly naming what you need to get better at? If so, then ask yourself whether the goal you've named feels very important to you. It may have felt that way when you started your map, but sometimes the importance fades relative to seeing a Hidden Commitment; or its importance may simply fade over time. If it doesn't feel really worthwhile to you, it's worth starting a new map. One way to jump-start identifying a powerful enough new focus is to explore whether there is a goal you have pursued unsuccessfully in the past that continues to be important to you (perhaps you've outright failed, or you've made minimal progress or backslid). If you choose to identify a more promising goal, you'll do best to go to topic 6. TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Now that you have tried to create an immunity map, do you want to choose a different Improvement Goal? Maybe you have changed your mind and want to focus on something else? Maybe you want your goal to be more specific? Maybe your goal feels too specific? Maybe now that you have done a lot of thinking, you realize that you want to change your column 1 commitment? That's fine. You can go to TODO-LINK</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Now that you have tried to create an immunity map, do you want to choose a different Improvement Goal? Maybe you have changed your mind and want to focus on something else? Maybe you want your goal to be more specific? Maybe your goal feels too specific? Maybe now that you have done a lot of thinking, you realize that you want to change your column 1 commitment? That's fine. You can go to TODO-LINK</tip>
<p>Does your column 1 Improvement Goal accurately express your hopes? Some people find that they need to play around with the ways they describe their commitment until it says exactly what they mean. We have also found that some clients are helped by really focusing on the get better at part of their commitment. Such clients should get more specific about what most needs to change if they are to achieve their goal. For example, "I am committed to being more compassionate" might get revised to "I am committed to getting better at listening openly and carefully when to my spouse."</p>
<p>Does your column 1 Improvement Goal accurately express your hopes? Some people find that they need to play around with the ways they describe their commitment until it says exactly what they mean. We have also found that some clients are helped by really focusing on the get better at part of their commitment. Such clients should get more specific about what most needs to change if they are to achieve their goal. For example, "I am committed to being more compassionate" might get revised to "I am committed to getting better at listening openly and carefully when to my spouse."</p>
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@@ -31,15 +39,23 @@
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@@ -31,15 +39,23 @@
<h4>Suggestions for Column 2: The Things You are Doing and Not Doing that Undermine Your Starting Commitment</h4>
<h4>Suggestions for Column 2: The Things You are Doing and Not Doing that Undermine Your Starting Commitment</h4>
<tipreject="maybenot">Did you list everything you can think of? Did you give yourself lots of time to think? Often we find that when we look at this column again, we can identify behaviors we didn't think of the first time. If your list is pretty short and/or rather vague, you might want to get the opinions of others who may have some insight about the things you do that stand in the way of reaching your goal. Think about asking your friends, your family, co-workers or boss, or anyone else who might be well informed about you and/or your Improvement Goal. If you have access to any expert advice (advice you might learn about from a well-regarded book on the subject or from someone you know who is skilled in the area you wish to improve), that will also be a good source to consider. What behaviors do they recommend? What do they caution you not to do? When you have added to your list, then continue on to see if those revisions in Column 2 help you revise columns 3 and 4.</tip>
<tipreject="maybenot">Did you list everything you can think of? Did you give yourself lots of time to think? Often we find that when we look at this column again, we can identify behaviors we didn't think of the first time. If your list is pretty short and/or rather vague, you might want to get the opinions of others who may have some insight about the things you do that stand in the way of reaching your goal. Think about asking your friends, your family, co-workers or boss, or anyone else who might be well informed about you and/or your Improvement Goal. If you have access to any expert advice (advice you might learn about from a well-regarded book on the subject or from someone you know who is skilled in the area you wish to improve), that will also be a good source to consider. What behaviors do they recommend? What do they caution you not to do? When you have added to your list, then continue on to see if those revisions in Column 2 help you revise columns 3 and 4.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Look at your list of behaviors in column 2 to see if there are other behaviors you should add. Is there someone who knows you well who can think of other behaviors to include in the list? Have you heard or read any expert advice about your Improvement Goal that can give you more ideas about what to add?</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Look at your list of behaviors in column 2 to see if there are other behaviors you should add. Is there someone who knows you well who can think of other behaviors to include in the list? Have you heard or read any expert advice about your Improvement Goal that can give you more ideas about what to add?</tip>
<question>Do you have a pretty long and/or wide-ranging list of "doing/not doing insteads"?</question>
<question>Do you have a pretty long and/or wide-ranging list of "doing/not doing insteads"?</question>
<tipreject="maybenot">If you have included lots of different behaviors, your map might lose its focus. Check and see if one or two of the behaviors on your list seem like they are the ones that are the biggest obstacles for you. If there are such behaviors that seem to get in your way the most, make note of them to make sure you are paying the most attention to them when you start to think about your fears. Then continue on to see if those revisions in Column 2 help you revise columns 3 and 4.</tip>
<tipreject="maybe">If you have included lots of different behaviors, your map might lose its focus. Check and see if one or two of the behaviors on your list seem like they are the ones that are the biggest obstacles for you. If there are such behaviors that seem to get in your way the most, make note of them to make sure you are paying the most attention to them when you start to think about your fears. Then continue on to see if those revisions in Column 2 help you revise columns 3 and 4.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Do you have too many behaviors listed? Decide which behaviors are the biggest problems for you and make sure to think about the fears or worries you have if you do the opposite of them.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Do you have too many behaviors listed? Decide which behaviors are the biggest problems for you and make sure to think about the fears or worries you have if you do the opposite of them.</tip>
</quizz>
</quizz>
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@@ -49,8 +65,12 @@
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@@ -49,8 +65,12 @@
<p>Column 3 is where you are most likely to get off-track. It may be the case that you misread one of the directions or suggestions. For example, you may identify fears and/or hidden competing commitments that have a kind of noble ring to them, such as, "I am committed to not being selfish." Or "I worry that other important work won't get done well." Or you may come up with something that feels true but also kind of weak and unsurprising, such as, "I am committed to enjoying my meals." (Who isn't?) If either of these problems is true for you, we suggest you go back over our directions for identifying your fears and hidden, competing commitments to see that helps you identify something more powerful. Here are some additional suggestions:</p>
<p>Column 3 is where you are most likely to get off-track. It may be the case that you misread one of the directions or suggestions. For example, you may identify fears and/or hidden competing commitments that have a kind of noble ring to them, such as, "I am committed to not being selfish." Or "I worry that other important work won't get done well." Or you may come up with something that feels true but also kind of weak and unsurprising, such as, "I am committed to enjoying my meals." (Who isn't?) If either of these problems is true for you, we suggest you go back over our directions for identifying your fears and hidden, competing commitments to see that helps you identify something more powerful. Here are some additional suggestions:</p>
<p>Focus on the behaviors in column 2 that feel as if they are the biggest obstacles for you and imagine doing the opposite. Give yourself more time to think and to imagine, to see what comes up. You may have more than one fear for each behavior. If you identify a worry or fear that doesn't feel really strong, keep looking to see if there is another fear lurking nearby. You can also continue to probe a weak-feeling fear by asking yourself "What feels the worst about that for me?" That may lead you to a more powerful fear. For example, imagine I have the fear, "I will feel disappointed or let down," I can ask myself, what would feel the worst about that? Maybe what feels the worst is, "I won't have been able to control how I feel. I will feel out of control."</p>
<p>Focus on the behaviors in column 2 that feel as if they are the biggest obstacles for you and imagine doing the opposite. Give yourself more time to think and to imagine, to see what comes up. You may have more than one fear for each behavior. If you identify a worry or fear that doesn't feel really strong, keep looking to see if there is another fear lurking nearby. You can also continue to probe a weak-feeling fear by asking yourself "What feels the worst about that for me?" That may lead you to a more powerful fear. For example, imagine I have the fear, "I will feel disappointed or let down," I can ask myself, what would feel the worst about that? Maybe what feels the worst is, "I won't have been able to control how I feel. I will feel out of control."</p>
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@@ -60,8 +80,12 @@
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@@ -60,8 +80,12 @@
<tipreject="understand">Are the fears and worries in column 3 small fears and worries, or are they big ones? When you see them, do you feel uncomfortable? If they are small or don't feel uncomfortable, see if there are other bigger fears that might also be there.</tip>
<tipreject="understand">Are the fears and worries in column 3 small fears and worries, or are they big ones? When you see them, do you feel uncomfortable? If they are small or don't feel uncomfortable, see if there are other bigger fears that might also be there.</tip>
<p>When you translate your fears to hidden, competing commitments, make sure you preserve the sense of danger in your wording. Sometimes the power of the fear gets bleached out, and you may need to reword your commitment so that it captures that danger. If you fear that your mother will feel deeply hurt when you don't eat her lasagna, but your Hidden Commitment is to "show how much I love my mother," you've lost something in translation. How about, "I am committed to always being the 'good son' my mother expects me to be and to live my life on her terms"? Or, "I am committed to preserving the peace in our family, at all costs?"</p>
<p>When you translate your fears to hidden, competing commitments, make sure you preserve the sense of danger in your wording. Sometimes the power of the fear gets bleached out, and you may need to reword your commitment so that it captures that danger. If you fear that your mother will feel deeply hurt when you don't eat her lasagna, but your Hidden Commitment is to "show how much I love my mother," you've lost something in translation. How about, "I am committed to always being the 'good son' my mother expects me to be and to live my life on her terms"? Or, "I am committed to preserving the peace in our family, at all costs?"</p>
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@@ -76,8 +100,12 @@
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@@ -76,8 +100,12 @@
<p>It can be really hard for us to see what we have been assuming if we can't imagine that things could be any different than how we have been thinking about them.</p>
<p>It can be really hard for us to see what we have been assuming if we can't imagine that things could be any different than how we have been thinking about them.</p>
